On T-Pain and Drunkenness

Dearest Cobb,

My only regret in life is not saying "see you later, deficator" before you. Darn it all.

SO! Christmas Break is happening for us teachers (much-needed), and I have posted a big, fat nothing for like a month. What a winner. I'll follow your lead and go with a random smattering of things as well.

For Christmas, I got many things. This includes, but is not limited to a Keurig, a blender (with pina colada mix as this was the Christmas of liquor), an Adventure Time fanny pack, and a microphone that autotunes your voice to sound like T-Pain. Yes. All the yes.

Mostly, I got to spend time with people I love. Note that we have not spent time together. Read a lot into that.

For New Years, I'm feeling fancy cocktails and glitter... very original. Let us take that time to experience the realms of drunkenness together! Hope no one barfs because you will be no help at all.

This means, of course, that we will have to shorten our current plans in order to fit in calamity. Lawrence must attend. Not Jennifer. I mean, unless she wants to. That'd be cool.

- Bowman

P.s. My mother got me a REALLY cool journal, but it's Jane Austen themed. She knows nothing about me anymore.

The mental notes are random.

...You...

I have not a damned clue what week it is....but i've got Bastille in my ear (ew...), and i felt like posting a thing. A thing about NOthing. So...here it is.

Christmas was a thing that just happened. It was somewhat cold....we got things....the things we got were cool. I drank tea.

I am watching Pitch Perfect to go to sleep to. Well....i might not fall asleep to it...but...its being seen by my ears and heard by my eyes. so.

My tv is on top of my new bookshelf, which is cool! I need to name my new bookshelf. Name suggestions are welcomed.

i still have some crap to go through. Moving is so annoying. Maybe it wont be AS bad whenever i move out. Cause i shouldnt have THAT much crap. I could eat those words later...

I still have Paige's Twilght Eclipse cd that i borrowed like...a year ago. I should give that back. I never even listened to it. And knowing Paige...she will remember that i borrowed it.

I need to draw something on my chalk board wall!!

Origami is hard.

I got some watercolor pencils (i almost spelled penis) from my mom! I need to play with them! (good thing i didnt mean penis...)

Penis....teehee

I STILL need to finish Mockingjay. and Allegiant. Ugh. I fail at life.

Ive been itching to get drunk again...idk why. Seeing as i'm a big bitch when i'm drunk. In other words...i've been itching to be bitchy and insensitive to my pals.

i. have. man legs. Its AWFUL! and...i dont really care. ha!

Walter Mitty was really great! You should see it!!

I NEED DUMB AND DUMBER 2 TO BE HERE NOWWWW!!!!!!!

That is all.

See ya later, deficator!

A List of Random Current Things.

Bow-ipweunfwu

So......I took a leave of unnecessary absence, but, i have returned!! And since i have missed like three weeks, i have decided to play catch up! So....here is a LIST of RANDOM CURRENT things i am doing/thinking at this moment in time.

1. Feeling bad for missing three weeks of our blog.

2. Watching Friends! Its the one where Ross gets his teeth whitened!

3. I feel like i spelled "whitened" wrong....it doesnt look right.

4. I took a shower about 10 mins ago.

5. My hair is wet....from the shower..

6. Toby is cute right now in front of the heater.

7. My hair kind smells weird from the towel i had on it. Kinda defeats the purpose of taking a shower.

8. My mouth has 7 tic tacs in it.

9. I actually just put exactly 7 tic tacs in my mouth to make the previous statement true.

10. I still need to decorate the tree.

11. We need art on our walls. The bright colors help to fill that void though.

12. Green Tea is yummo. ..No...I'm not drinking any at the moment....

13. I am trying to think of something else that i am doing...or thinking....

14. The lady Ross is with has a black light.

15. I used to have a black light in my room!

16. Ross has the brightest teeth ever!

17. We need more Christmas candles.

18. Why havent i watched Home Alone (1&2)/ Elf, Love Actually, The Santa Clause, Charlie Brown Christmas, or Grinch Stole Christmas yet?!?!?

19. I just moved hair out of my face. SAIL!!!

20. I hated having you over last night. I don't want you over here for at least another five days. Hope you understand....actually...i don't give a crap.

21. TOMORROW IS OUR 3 MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!!!

Toooooo-daaa-looooooo!

A Surprisingly Long List of Things I'm Afraid Of

Remember when "SorryNotSorry" was a thing? Well... yeah. Sorry I haven't posted in two weeks. But I'm not really because... I'm just not. Great intro!

So, I just watched a youtuber that I enjoy name some of her fears. I would like to share with you a list of my irrational fears as well. Because there's no way some psycho is going to find this and use them against me... right?

I tried to find his worried face. This was the best I could do. 

1. Balloons. They might as well be called Heart Attacks on String. Their one and ONLY purpose is to float around until they die a horrible, painful, loud, terrifying death! 

My worst nightmare.

2. Someone suing me for something arbitrary. Like... I don't know... using Disney pictures without correctly citing my source. Side note: I took none of the pictures used here.

Ha.

3. Heights. Yes, I know many people are afraid of heights. Someone wise once said, "a fear of heights is irrational. A fear of falling is normal." The problem is, I'm actually afraid of the height. If I fall and die, I don't have to worry about being up high anymore. 

You see fun. I see death.

4. Sounds. Yes. Sounds. Any sounds, really. I live with only my two dogs. If there is any sound made, it better be them or me. Otherwise, surely there is a murderer on my balcony. 

There is no picture of sound. That, in itself, is terrifying.

Real life situation: I just heard a sound after typing that. The movie "Saw" is about to be a reality for me. I can feel it!

5. E. Coli. Every time I eat beef.

Delicious death.

6. The ocean. And it's not the "I don't know what's in the water" fear. It's more that I'm scared I'll get knocked down by a big wave and drown in 3 feet of water, which would just be embarrassing. 

The horror!!!

7. Getting into my car at night. There are so many possibilities! Murderer in the back seat. Murderer under the car. Running away from a murderer, but the car won't start. I could go on.

Eff.

8. Becoming homeless because my student loans are too high and I make, like, $9 a year. I get panic attacks every time I make a payment.

Pictured: me.

9. The dark. Any part of it really. The stillness, the silence, someone looking at you that you can't see... *shudder*

Only murderers and scared people use this road.

10. Finding hair in my food. Oh my gosh, just eew. Don't even... I don't... stop! I refuse to post a picture of that.

Great. Now I'm scared.

- Bowman

How to Saturday

What's that? You're a busy bee and don't know how to spend your little free time? Lemme help a sista out.

1. Wake up at the same time you'd normally wake up on a week day.

2. Curse.

3. Go back to bed.

4. Wake up at a time which you've deemed "too late to appreciate Saturday."

5. Coffee.

6. Futurama.

7. Coffee again.

8. Breaking Bad.

9. Pretty much repeat 5-8 infinity times.

9. b. Consider making Polar Express Hot Chocolate, but decide that takes too long and settle for more coffee... with whipped cream.

10. Remember to take your dogs out.

11. Be upset that you've wasted a Saturday... even though this routine is all you look forward to all week.

P.s. This is Thanksgiving break. I don't have to work for a week! Kiss my butt, adulthood!

- Bowman

How to be productive and procrastinate AT THE SAME TIME!

Bowshite,

Yay! I'm back on the regularly schedule programing! Let epic music play like on GOT...and if you dont know what GOT stands for, then you are gonna get got...cause your dumb.

So...as  you know...we are moving this saturday...which...makes me sad...I'm gonna miss living near you and making it possible for you to randomly flip me off in passing...which i love you for. (ENDING A SENTENCE IN A PROPOSITION!!!  yes...i said prop...hahaha!)

Whilst moving...i also have school stuff going on....so....today...I'm gonna unveil a miracle and teach you how to.....like the title said....blahblah.

1. Wait till the last minute to start packing, BUT, wake up on time/early for school.

2. Barely have enough boxes to put everything in, BUT, be totally prepared for class by printing out images to print.

3. Get a jump start on some packing, BUT, have nothing prepared for your printmaking class tomorrow.

4. Keep dirty dishes in the sink that you need to pack, BUT, take pretty pictures of shiny, clean glass at school.

5. Pack everything but HP, and start over on Game of Thrones, AND, make a 73 on your second test (which is better than the last...but still isnt that great).

6. Start over for the 3RD TIME on The Office, cause you realize you need it constantly in your life, at all times, AND, realize you have a paper due in a couple of weeks...and a test to study for...that you CANNOT fail!

Um.....i think that is good for now. Back to Game of Thrones, i'll have to start this episode over...cause....i have no clue whats going on...even though i have already seen it. But...it can be hard to follow, ya know? So much going on...but ITS SO GOOD!! So...yea...

Toodlepip!

Slacker, you are. As Yoda would say.

Bowporn-stache,

I am a few days behind...oh vell.

My most embarrassing moment? Hm...i strangely dont feel like i have many. Except for when i was about....9 or so and i as wearing these crappy sandels and i was in church. And i tripped TWICE down the isle on the way  to be bathroom....in front of everyone...oh lord...it was bad.

Anywhoha, I am really enjoying painting with watercolor right now! I like painting trees the best....idk why....cause i love trees i guess. And they are fun to paint and get easier the more i do them.

Spencer just texted me asking if i would want to paint something on the side of the stage the next time he leads worship. AAAHH! I dont wanna! Is my first thought...but he said to pray about it and so...i will. I am not always confident in my abilities, and especially in art forms outside of photography. I mean..i like to paint on my own...without being judged...but the thought of painting in front of a crowd of people....stay awayyyy! ha!


Oh man...Dwight is getting ready for his "radio" interview! Baha!! One of my favorite moments, them all using different accents, making Dwight think he is on the radio. Teehee!

WEll....I dont have anything to randomly talk about at the moment. So....imma get off here.

BI!

The Most Embarrassingest Day of My Life

Oh man. What a morning, for this has been.... the most embarrassing day of my adult life.

I was out sick from work Monday. By yesterday I felt much better, but at the end of the night (after teaching, Parent Night, Walmart, homework, etc.) I had another headache. I figured, ironically, that I should take something so I could make it to school today. All I had was Tylenol PM.

Said my brain.

Instead of waking up to any of my 9 alarms, I slept until an hour after school starts. Everyone panicked. Thankfully, my admins are wonderful and gave me the rest of the day off, but I cried for about an hour about how embarrassed I was. 

Now, I shall rest, take a bath, and play video games to keep my mind off of the fact that I'm a moron.

Maybe Chrono Trigger? 

What was your most embarrassing moment? Not that I care.

Love,

- Bowman the Stupid 

5 Simple Steps to a Perfect Thanksgiving

Golly-gee! Fall is in the air, Thanksgiving is nigh, and all the white people are Pumpkin Spicing EVERYTHING! Here are some tips-n-tricks to a successful Thanksgiving holiday:

1. Have, like, 30 dinner plans. In my house, we (and by that I mean my dogs and I) have 3 different Thanksgiving meals. First, my mom's, then my dad's, then David's family's. Make sure that if you have this many, you practically gorge yourself at every single stop instead of doing things in moderation. Who needs that? Peasants. That's who.

2. Start the Christmas Jamz! Play nothing but Christmas music until December 26th. I'm not being sarcastic on this one. Really do this.

3. BLACK FRIDAAAYYY!!! As a teacher, I make about seven dollars a year. That means I should spend roughly 8 million dollars on the day after Thanksgiving because, America.

4. What's a good Thanksgiving without a little family discourse? Stir the pot this holiday with inappropriate dinner conversation. Or perhaps accidentally mention your tattoo in front of your 90-year-old grandmother. Pump up the party further by drinking too much of your step-mom's spiked cider and telling your vegan cousin she's a moron. Responsible? No. Memorable? Yes.

5. Sleep.

Love and chocolate pie,
Bowman

10 things to do today.

Bowshart,

Well... here we go...straight and to the point twss.

1. Go get new pants. I went to sit down in my favorite pants...and i ripped the zipper. Shiz! Hate! I believe i may skip my second class to do this...cause i dont wanna deal with this in public all day.

2. Start packing. Which...is gonna be awful. I think i might start with my movies....or some books. Or maybe just start throwing some crap away.

3. Maybe make a chocolate pie. Since i will most likely be leaving school early, i will have plenty of time to do this. Instead of just buying some cookies from kroger.

4. If i make a chocolate pie...im gonna make whipped cream!

5. Maybe buy some shirts while I'm at it. Maybe.

6. Read? Hopefully...

7. Watch Halloween movies with friends! AND QUOTE HOCUS POCUS THE WHOLE TIME!!!!

8. "YEP!!"

9. Think of something to type for number 10.

10. Wonder why i needed a list of 10 things.

BIIIIII-EEEEEE!

What is this? The center for idiotic ants?

Oh, Cobbitch. Sorry my posts are so inconsistent. I suppose if I were really sorry, though, I'd make an actual effort to post regularly. Guess I don't care about you.

Anyway, since we got all floobledee-doo about our week topics, I'm doing current events. Here we go:

Shootings. All the shootings. This makes me legitimately sad to report, but there have been like 7 shootings in the past two weeks. Some were in schools, there was one at LAX, and that mess at the naval base was weird. This only proves that we as Americans are completely responsible and totally deserve to be the most powerful nation in existence.

A quote by famous transvestite, Eddie Izzard, in his one-man-show entitled Dress to Kill: "The NRA always says 'guns don't kill people, people do' but I think the gun helps!"

*Disclaimer: I own a gun. I just think Izzard is funny.*
*Non-disclaimer, just advice: you should watch that show. It's on netflix and it's hilarious.*

In government news: According to the Forbes website, the obamacare site enrolled exactly six, count em, SIX people yesterday. This is mostly due to the fact that the website sucks and hasn't been fixed yet. A true showing of what America's government is capable of. Thanks, Obama.

In weird-ass news: Joel Osteen tweeted the best "that's what she said" tweet ever in history.

Lol. What a moron. 

Kbye.

- Bowman

How to go to sleep.

Bowprick!

I enjoyed our Cabin In The Woods virtual screening together! FUN TIMES!!!

Anywhohow, Lemme teach ya somethin!

So...Sleep...we all do it...some better than others thats what she said...and I'm gonna teach you how to do it the WRONG way! Lez do it thats what she said.

First, get in bed by 10:30 at the earliest. Cause you have to be up by 5:30 thats what she said...so...that should be plenty of time....maybe.

Second, watch youtube. It is a good thing to relax you and get you in the mood that what she said..for sleep. Its not distracting at all...and nothing will get stuck in your head.

Third, move as much as possible. even if you find that "sweet spot" thats what she said, move around anyway..constantly. being uncomfortable is a sure fire way to fall asleep fast.

Seventh, think about EVERYTHING!

Tenth, think of an idea for a new photo series (of in your case a lesson plan creative thing) and turn the lamp on and write down all of your ideas. This is ensure full awakeness.

Twentyeth, go pee.

Twenty third, fall to sleep at around 3 in the morning.

Fourth, wake up late.

Done! Hope this helps!

GYTH WER$WVCRTERH....i mean...bye.

How To Get a Job

Good morrow, Cobbface! It's almost Halloween, so I thought I should post something scary. Terrifying. Something to give you nightmares. Entering.... the workforce! (dun dun dunnnnn)

It's a competitive market, no one's hiring, and the economy might as well be a urinal. Perfect conditions for us twenty-somethings  to go job hunting!

Let us begin.

Step One: Make a Good Impression
Someone our age always needs to enter interviews or first meetings as professionally as possible because we often aren't taken seriously. Here are some tips to ensure that your potential employer knows how stellar you are.

• Say "um," just, like, all the time.
• Same with "like." 
• Chew gum. 
• Tell them your skills include hair, makeup, and attitude. (Snap fingers in Z fashion after.)
• Shake hands, but with the limpest grip possible
• Ask if you can smoke in their office. Bring a cigarette holder Ala Audrey, as they are the classiest of smoking accessories. 

Step Two: Build Your Resume
Google it.

Step 3: Confidence

As a twenty-something myself, I have quite a few confidence issues. Never fear! There's a trick that I was taught long ago that helps me perk up right before an important first meeting:

Wear the tightest, shortest, sluttiest outfit you own.

Who doesn't feel confident in stripper shoes and ho-gloss? Glitter is key. Shirt optional. 

Well, there ya go! I hope you get an interview soon so you can try my awesome tips! And remember, if you're nervous, picture the interviewer naked. Then also get naked. 

LOVE!
- Bowman

CurRANT eVENTS!

Bowsquat,

I bet by the title you thought i would have something really scandalous and big to rant and or vent about....well...you would be wrong. twas a play on words and i have only mediocre things to discuss. If you want to use the word "discuss" more like ...i'm going to put sentences together...into one semi coherent thought..on a few topics that i randomly find on CNN, Yahoo, and maybe Facebook. hahaha!

Her goes Nuthin.

Apparently a teacher got killed with a box cutter recently. Which is awful. However.....the non specific idea of a box cutter is coming up on BB...which you will understand soon enough. So..yea..

Obamacare...all i can say is....you guessed it.. THANKS OBAMA!!

Kim and Kanye are engaged....who gives a flying monkey crap?!

Megan Fox says that she is completely insecure with her physical appearance....but totally confident with her personality.....this seems backwards. Also...stfu, you're gorgeous...so stop making the rest of us feel like giant orca whales!

IF I SEE ONE MORE THING ABOUT BREAKING BAD IM GONNA KILL EVERYONE!!

The new 50 Shades of Grey actor was named. I still dont see how that won't just be a justified theatrical porno.

ANCHORMAN 2!!

Apparently...eating an Original Yoplait Yogurt is the equivalent of eating 3 donuts. What is the world?!

I still have yet to watch any Once Upon a Time, and i am ashamed.

Ok....thats all i got. I hope this informed you on the life going on around us. And you definitely do not need to know anymore news than what i mentioned....cause...there is nothing more important...i touched all the essential stuff. So. Yea.

Yay for being 2 days late....not on my period though...that just ended.

BYEEEE!!!

Mandom Random.

First things first: BOOKS! I have this awful argument in my head between books and my wallet. A dialogue:

BOOKS: Buy me, Bowman! We'll love you forever! We'll see you through the hard times, and the good ones. We'll make you laugh, cry, and scream within the turn of a few pages! We'll be there on the bus, in the waiting room, at bedtime, and on the porch with morning coffee. Isn't that nice?

WALLET: Shut up, hoez! I is money, and I is rare!

ME: You win this round, Wallet. You cheeky bastard.

Fin.

I really wanted this one:

...but it was $25.00. So I got two others for $10 instead. Someday, Coco. Someday. 

Nextly, (and because of grumpy old Wallet) I have decided to keep track of expenditures and consumption this week. This event may prove to be thoroughly depressing. I shall update you next week if I remember. 

Next Nextly, the aforementioned opera (Remember? From last week?) was a huge success! 'Twas a grand performance, and I even got to shoot the breeze with fancy ladies and gents in the guest party room. Plus free wine! CLASS!

Lastly, I got a new bedspread! How exciting! When will the excitement cease? Probably never. My life rules.

- Bowman

Ryan Reynolds is not gay.

Bowshart,


So, whilst typing this i am watching Family Guy, so don't be surprised if some quotes make there way into this post. 

Peter and Ryan Reynolds are having a tickle fight. 

 This next week is gonna be busy i think. We are starting a new technique in printmaking...carving out of linoleum and woodblocks. So...that should be interesting. "Sometimes i put them on and think i'm all balls". I have no clue what i am going to carve out of these things. The art department can be stressful...having to constantly come up with ideas. Then again, maybe you can somewhat relate to that, cause you have to come up with different creative ways to teach your kids what they need to know...so....you kinda know what its like. Yay! Stressed Creative People Unite!!

"Go get 'em child" (black lady at the airport).

I made Amber wear pretty dresses today and take pictures...so that was fun! She said she had more fun than she thought she would have..so..i'll believe her. haha!

"There are some things i would do with you...but my heart wouldnt be in it.".

"My spirit could go up inside your energy".

I have started reading Eleanor and Park! I should be really good..i've heard only great things about it! Its told from two different perspectives! 

I pretty much layed in bed all weekend/yesterday. It was lovely. Those are my ideal days...just chilling at home in pjs...snuggling with pets, drinking coffee/tea, watching amazing movies..etc. All day. So lazy...but so great!

So...i'm not sure why the last paragraph was instant on having a background color...but...i'm just gonna go with it. 

"The little engine that WILL or get great shame".

Well...i have nothing else to report...so....

BYEEEEE!!!!


Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant!!!!!!

10 Things I've Done Instead of Getting Ready (In pictures!)

'Tis a day of packing, for I shall be traversing the rugged plains of I40 Eastbound this fine afternoon. Why is my speech so fancy, you may ask? well, I may answer, "I must make an appearance at the opera this evening. Clearly, I am one cultured biatch!" ...would the rich say "biatch?"

Whatever. David is in a production of The Pearl Fishers tonight at TPAC, so I have to pack up and look all nice and crap. Only, I don't feel like getting off my lazy arse to prepare for the journey. Instead I did this:

1.Contemplated making bed.

Didn't.

2. COFFEE!

Necessary.

 3. Got mad at Polly for being in the way.

She was indignant. 

 4. Vlogbrothers.

Hank.

5. Was leered at by my own pets.

Weirdos.

6. Wondered why I look so darn good in the mornings.

Genetics.

7. Wished Polly could use the toilet.

Useless.

 8. Looked at laundry.

Did not begin packing.

9. Broke favorite necklace whilst reaching into the washer. 

Took picture of it on bad backdrop.

10. Came up with brilliant plan.

Made millions.

Maybe I'll pack later.

- Bowman

10 ways The Office has made me the happiest.

Bowfarts,


We just finished The Office!! And what a beautiful experience it was indeed! My life will never be the same. Dont you love how overly dramatic I'm being?! But seriously..my life is a bit better because of the perfection that is that show. Here is my list from the content that is the title of this blog:


1. The underlying theme of hope throughout the show. You can get anything you ever wanted if you work hard enough...or you are just lucky enough. ha!

2. Michael Scott and his inappropriateness as well as his heart and loveableness.

3. "That's what she said".

4. Jim and Pam's most adorable love story ever!

5. Jim's constant acknowledgment and smirks at the camera.

6. Pranks/nonscence galor!

7. Kevin's most awkward and hilarious was of speaking.

8. The amazing balance of heart and humor.

9. The subtle humor....it takes a special personality to appreciate it...and thank God we are special......ha!

10. The most PERFECT series finale EVER CREATED!!! (In addition to Friends...)


I could go on...with some very specific and not so general things...but....i will stop.
Love. This. Show.

(This picture is our friendship. hahahahaha!) Toodalou!

Current Events, Shmurrent Events!

Hey, look! It's Sunday! I am a failure at weekly blogging. 

Moving on, this week's theme is CURRENT EVENTS! Can't get more current than a current government shutdown! 

Don't worry. I won't bore you with my opinions on the fact that food stamps are still available while military pension gets delayed. And I won't talk your ear off about the fact that I can't renew my passport, so leaving the country is a "no." And I won't even go on forever about the fact that WIC is cancelled during this shindig, even though the president still gets his $400,000 this year. No, no. I shall keep it to myself. 

I shall leave you only with this: 

Courtesy of /r/harrypotter :-).

Love, 

Bowman

Events that are current.

Hi Ho,


Week 3! Current Events! And i dont mean events about currents...like water currents. So...if you were hoping to read about water current events....just turn back now! This is will be about events happening in the world right now. Like how Blue Ivy prefers Jay Zs music over Bee-Yawn-Say. Obviously being 18 months old, she is totally able to make this clear decision. So...on that note...lets get down and dirty.

Dumb and Dumber news!! "The Blind Kid" is back in the new movie! I love how some of the original cast is back for this movie! So great! Billy is all grown up now...still...blind..and still with his pretty bird!

http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/celeb-news/dumb-dumber-blind-billy-back-grown-194002706.html?vp=1


Gravity News!!!  It comes out this friday! So you better be ready for 5 min long shots, beautiful visuals, and crap in your pants!! SO EXCITED!!!

http://www.theverge.com/2013/10/1/4788682/gravity-review


Lastly, cause i am all about talking about the most important stuff going on in the world (i'll try again in 4 weeks)...DIY BRIDES! Pippa, the sister of the Kate Middleton, wants to be one and so do I! Holy crap, these are some of the cutest ideas ever! Putting flowers in ice, flowers in lightbulbs, flowers in sheet music....FLOWERRRRRS! So are key invitations and candles in teacups! SO CUTE! I hope i get married before you....I am obviously well on my way!

Welp...thats all on todays episode of "Becca talks about nothing".

BREAK NEWS!!!!! THE OFFICE SEASON NINE IS NOW ON NETFLIX!! AND I AM ABOUT TO TEXT YOU ABOUT IT...BUT YOU MIGHT ALREADY KNOW...BUT I DONT CARE...IM TOO EXCITED!!!!

K BYEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

How to Be an Adult

My, oh, my. I feel as though I could ace any test in the world! Thanks for that help! Maybe I should teach my students your study methods...

Speaking of students, you know what almost every kid wants? To be an adult. Know who's good at being an adult? ME! I shall elaborate in 5 simple steps.

1. Money - One of the most grown-up things you can do is manage money wisely. Some people make budgets, cash allowances, and debit caps. Me? I say, "screw you, real life! I want a jet ski!" I don't want a jet ski because I'm afraid of water, but if I did... you get it.

2. Family - Being a real adult and all, I can tell you one thing: I love my children. Not human ones of course, but the hairy kind. Canines... DOGS to the layperson. I'm not married. I don't have kids. I have dogs. I am very qualified to give advice on this topic.

3. Hobbies - Think of something really adult. Cooking, perhaps? Sewing? Oprah's book club? Those are great hobbies. I have a few of my own, namely dressing as characters from Japanese anime shows with other grown people and spending money on hats shaped like frogs. Another hobby I enjoy is climbing big rocks in a huge gorge, even though I'm afraid of heights and the aforementioned water. The point is, do something fun and obnoxiously mention it to every person you meet.

4. Responsible Decisions - Ever since I was little, I knew that growing up would allow me to stay up late and eat cake for breakfast. I was right.

5. Social Awareness - As an adult, one should always read social cues correctly. For example: when someone turns his/her body away from you in conversation, move in front of them so they can't get away. This makes them feel secure in their conversational abilities. Also, talk really close to their faces. Really, really close.

Go forth and prosper, fledgling grown-up! Keep the steps in mind. And one last helpful hint - whenever a situation gets awkward, sing and dance. In public. Without warning.

KBYE!

- Bowman

How to fail a test.

Bowfat,

As you well know...i had a test this afternoon. I am not sure how it went, but...i don't think it went too well. I left some answers blank...and i pulled a whole page and half essay straight out of my ass. So....i'm in the acceptance stage of my potential failure. That being said....here are some ways that I've discovered, from personal experience duh, on how to fail a test!

1. Of course wait till the last minute to study. The best time to study is the day before the test. This way you ensure that you will barely remember any detailed information that you need to know, and you will only remember some key words for which you can possibly, but probably not, make a coherent sentence out of. (like ending a sentence in a proposition!).

2. Make SURE you watch tv while you study! Especially something that you have seen before and can totally quote! This way you will be completely distracted from actually studying and retaining the information. Even though you keep telling yourself: "ive seen this a million times...i can just listen to it and still concentrate on what im doing." We both know this is a lie and you start writing down the quotes you are saying from said movie distraction. Also...DEFINITELY watch tv whilst trying to read for a test! 

3. Be sure to make every excuse in the book not to study...or to convince yourself that you have studied enough to get by. "I need to take a shower", "Just one more episode of Secret Life", "Its 12 o'clock, time for lunch, even though i ate breakfast at 10", "This wont be on the test....its too detailed....i just wont look at it". All of these are great excuses and are completely justifiable! So...dont beat yourself up!

4. Make sure you get no more than 4 hours of sleep the night before the test. And also make sure you dont eat a healthy breakfast the day of the test. Actually...just dont eat anything at all....all day. Both of these can contribute to a very hazy state of mind, and can also help with not being able to remember something on the test that you just looked over 2 minutes before! It can also make your vision a little blurry...which can just add your goal you made at the beginning of the year to challenge yourself more! And is can be fun for the teacher to read later!

5. Lastly, but certainly not leastly, just have fun, accept your fate, and realize you did your best. The teacher will for sure appreciate a half assed effort! They all say put in 110%, but who has time for that?! While you're busy watching your favorite tv shows, laughing with your best friends whilst watching The Emmys, and basically just being made completely joyful through the magic of television in general...all the squares you call peers can waste their time studying for a test in which they dont give 2 shits about the information anyway. And why bother yourself with things you dont care about or that take too much effort? That is all kinds of lame!

So, these are my 5 tips on how to fail a test! I know you can't use them in your own life now....being a real life working adult and all. BUT, maybe you can pass them along to your students! I dont think they will argue with you! Happy bad teachering!!

I should be an educator,
Cobb. 

Planning Period! ...gross

It's the end of my planning period. Sadface.

So guess what I did? Signed myself up for another responsibility! Go me! I'm a self-detriment machine!
I said I'd help make up a dance for Boys Cheerleading for homecoming. Which means I get to spend 10 minutes of my Science class teaching a dance to 11 year old boys, so... great.

I like the idea of theme week. I think we should have a list theme. Example: top ten times I almost flipped someone off in traffic this month. Or top twelve most inappropriate songs on the radio. What do you think? Not that I care.

- Bowman

Late for class and theme ideas!!

BOWMAN!

We wont do the whole caps lock screaming congo (i meant convo....but ill leave it. ha!) on here....it might be too much for all 2 of our readers!

Anywhoha, i was an hour and a half late for class this morning! So thats fun! I am a dedicated student...i even took my time getting ready...which made me so late...cause i am completely concerned with my future as a punctual human.

this Drake song it playing in my head (on the pandora machine), and the beat is cool...and combined with the CONSTANT buzzing and blinking of the light above my head in the lighting studio....it makes  for a cool...yet...suicide inducing collaboration! More fun for today!!

This class is a little too laid back....which i am not complaining...but i mean I'm writing this to you in class for craps sake. But only one person can take pictures at a time..cause we are working on a new technique....but you dont give any of the shits so...i won't continue to move my fingers in an attempt to explain said technique.

I mixed my cereals this morning....Krave and Lucky Charms.....so..

We need to find a more organized way to make these bloggies.. Like...themes like DG! Like....4 themes a month.! Like....one week can be random (thats me today)....the next week we can explain to the other person how to do something.....the next can be current events...and the last can be.......you come up with it! ha!  And Tuesday can be my day apparently....since....today is that day...and this is happening right now. so...there we go. ORGAN-ZATION! ha!

"its our party...we can do what we want!"  ....that songs on now. can i get a HELL NO?!

So.....i will let my contribution to random week be donzo now... WEEE!


you're the worst,
Cobb

And look, it's a bat!

'Ello, 'ello, 'ello, V-E, 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello. ELLO, GUV'NAH!

Well, that was satisfyingly obnoxious. I hope we don't get sued for copyright infringement! HEY-O!
Ah, the good ol' days of autumnal bliss in Starbucks, listening to hipster-esque playlists and being PSL hags. Making life threats in public and possibly having strangers think we're total idiots. Those were good days... today.

Anywho.... I hate that word. I also hate "morsel." That's gross. I will end anyone's life who says otherwise. I might have ADD.... SAIILLL!!!!

Well, now no one else will give two entire dookies about reading this particular post. Sorry, other potential reading babies! If you are ever confused as to who wrote a post, just ask yourself, "is the writer of this post potentially drunk and/or 11 years old?" If you answered "yes," it's a Bowman post. You're welcome.

Hugs, cuddles, and awkward half-hugs in public,
- Bowman

The mental notes are stacking!!!

Bowman...

So....we just created a blog! Will this live up to our expectations?....mydontknow....BUT....its worth a shot in the dark right?! We can hank and john it up on here.....though....who is hank and who is john? ill be john since i have the brown hair....not because he is more famous.....ha! maybe our friends will read this and it will make their day....or maybe strangers will read this and hate our guts....either way....i could give a rats poopy. Mad libs are a fun time!! so lets do this thang.....and remember to keep all our maps, tampon registration, and insurance pills in our glove stocking!

you're a whore,
Cobb.