3/13-3/19: Finally, Some Questions I Dig!

• If you could add one hour to your day, what would you do with it?
• Honestly, either read or watch the rest of the Indonesian documentary I started earlier. 
• What is true?
• No matter what happens - the job I have, when I get married, how ridiculous I act - God will love me endlessly. And if I seek Him, He will continue to grow me.  
• What do you not want to talk about?
• The fact that I took my students out for a walk after lunch today and missed the beginning of the ELA subtest 2. Oops.
• What do you want to buy?
• A new passport and a plane ticket to Uganda.
• What new activity have you tried?
• Circuit training. I did some after-school workout activities. I liked doing circuits because you don't stay doing one workout. If you hate the one you're doing, you'll change it in 2 minutes.
• In three words, describe your spirituality.
• In the words of Hillsong: "Glory to God. Glory to God. Glory to God, forever." You cannot pare our Lord down to 3 words. You can, however, simplify the reason we exist: Glory to God.
• Describe your work ethic.
• It truly varies. If I'm in a good mood or I like the job, I'm a solid 10. If I'm burnt out on it, I'm about a 5. Never usually under a 5 though.

- Bowman

Q&A 2016: 3/6 - 3/12 - I'm proud of us too!

It's crazy that it is march. Gah! And I am proud of us too! I think we can do this! Power through!


6 - Who's your nemesis?

- Sugar, chocolate. My lovely, yummy, enemy.


7 - It's not a good idea to experiment with......

- I'm kind of scared to experiment with too many makeup products, and creams. Afraid I will break out or something. Even though I never break out with anything...like not really allergic to anything. Idk.


8 - What's the last song you listened to?

- "Darling are you gonna leave me" by London Grammer. LOVE that song! Was going down memory lane watching some of my old videos that I made and posted on my youtube. I need to make another soon. Maybe I can make one from our photoshoot we do for your headshot stuff!


9 - A person you wanted to ignore today.

- Blake Shelton on The Voice. He is annoying.


10 - What was the last movie you rented?

- Bridge of Spies on Vudu. In preparation for The Oscars! It was really good!


11 - What was sinetgubg yiy wabted i=tidat... (whoa...I really thought I was typing a real sentence....lets try that again..)  What was something you wanted today; but couldn't have?

- A new job. And more patience.


12 - Where do you live?

- The house I have lived in since I was 13. Shut up.


- Cobb

3/6 - 3/12: I can't believe it's March already!

Even though we get behind a lot, I'm proud of us for keeping this up since January. Go, us!

• Who's your nemesis?
• The national department of education. Ruined everything I loved about my job, AND they're dumbing down the populace. NCLB is such a waste of resources.
• It's not a good idea to experiment with...
• Drugs, I'm guessing? Just sounds like a bad plan.
• What's the last song you listened to?
• Something on "This is Acting" by Sia, I'm sure. That's what I listen to on my way to work.
• A person you wanted to ignore today:
• My entire middle block class. And T.C., another teacher. She's so rude.
• What was the last movie you rented?
• Rented? What year is this?! I guess Game of Thrones Season 3 from Netflix. I do the DVD rental thing through them. I really need to send that disc back, though. I think I've had it since September.
• What was something you wanted today, but couldn't have?
• I wanted David to still be here when I got home from school, He went back to the Boro the other day. 
• Where do you live?
• I wrote my address, but I'm not sharing that on the interwebz. I will say that I'll miss this house when I leave. I like it. 

- Bowman

2/28 - 3/5: The Week When I Was A Day Behind

This whole week, I kept forgetting to journal because I fell asleep in front of the TV more times than I care to admit. I usually fill these out the night of, but since I wasn't sleeping in my bed, I ended up filling everything out a day behind.

• When was the last time you were sick?
• November. I had chickenpox. At age 26. What?
  I even missed my first day of training at JCP and was out of school for a week. 
• Leap Year? What did you do with the extra day? 
• Coincidentally, this was a leap year. I skipped school for the first time in my life. I slept until 9:30, watched The Martian with David, and did some laundry and cleaned until a 6:00 meeting. Much needed day off.
• How could today have been better? 
• I could have been less tired. All-in-all, though, it was a good day. I felt refreshed after my day off, and I had rehearsal for HSM with the high-schoolers. I was really sleepy the whole day, though. 
• Salty or Sweet?
• (Decided to take this literally:) Sweet always. I'm always in the mood for chocolate. Especially now, when I'm rounding the end of my fitness challenge. Ugh.
• Did you sleep alone last night? 
• I never do. Always 3 dogs with me. Also, I slept on the couch watching Bob's Burgers while David slept on the floor, so there's that. 
• What would you like to ask your mother?
• I cannot think of an answer for this. We're pretty open with each other.
• What's your favorite word (right now)?
• Ostentatious. It sounds cool, and it's a good descriptor for me. Oddly, I know plenty of words that I absolutely hate, but I struggled to find one I like.

- Bowman

Q&A 2016: 2/28 - 3/5 - Blah questions this week.

I have reverted back to an old favorite song to put on repeat. "American Girl" by Bonnie Mckee. Listen to it....dance around the room. Guilty pleasure for sure. ha!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Uh6VZF0R5U


28 - When was the last time you were sick?

- Exactly a week ago today. Diarrhea, vomiting, and my very first fever in a very long time. Blah blah blah, i was sick, lets move past it.


29 - Leap year? What did you do with the extra day?

- Why yes it was! And i spent it on the couch. Watching Friends, Supernatural, Fuller House, The Bachelor with my mom, and Teen Mom. Really made the best of this extra day in my life that i wont get for another 4 years. Way to go, Rebeccass. Maybe I will make the next one count.


March 1 - How could today have been better?

- Not laying on the couch all day. And if Toby had not pissed ON me on the couch. What the actual fuck?!


2 - Salty or sweet?

- Sweet. But I had both today! Healthy AF.


3 - Did you sleep alone last night?

- In my bed, i did indeed. Alone in the world, no. I have a mom and 2 cats under the same airspace as me. So.


4 - What would you like to ask your mother? 

- I can't think of anything to ask her specifically. Maybe "How will I ever live without you?" "How will i ever go on?" Morbid i know, but I love that woman too damn much. I would like to just get to know as much about her as possible though. I want to memorize her way of being, her gestures, her voice, her laugh, the way she puts on her makeup, the way she drives the car, the way she smells. Everything. I don't want to forget those things. :/


5 - What's your favorite word right now?

- Any of my the French words I am learning. It's fun! I like the word for "turtle". And ya know....fuck is always a classic. Ha!

- Cobb


----------->  Tortue!

2/21 - 2/27: TMI. You're Welcome.

• 2/21: What is the current buzzword?
• "Aesthetic," but used ever-so-slightly incorrectly. I.e. "I love your Audrey aesthetic. So classic." Sounds pretentious and stupid. 
• 2/22: What was your prevailing emotion today?
• Annoyance. Annoyed at work; annoyed at Chelsea for messing up David's plans; annoyed in general. 
• 2/23: What's the most embarrassing purchase on a recent credit card statement? 
• Probiotics and apple cider vinegar. Also a bill for an intestinal ultrasound. Good ol' tummy troubles.
• 2/24: Today you've got too much...
• pain in my uterus. Longest. Day. Ever.
• 2/25: What's the last dream you remember? 
• I had a terrible dream the other night. Monster had run away without her collar. When I came home, it turned out two escaped prisoners had let her out and they were after me. I stabbed them a bunch, but one kept getting up. It was so scary!
• 2/26: Name one item you can't throw out.
• Books. Even if I've never read them (or I did, and hated them), I cannot throw out a book. 
• 2/27: Are you the original or the remix? Why?
• I like to think I'm very original, but really no one is. We're all influenced by something. Also, as it says in Ecclesiastes 1:9, "...there is nothing new under the sun."

- Bowman

2/14 - 2/20: Schedules Are Clearly Not My Thing

Once again, I am two weeks behind on posting. What will all of our readers think of me? Oh wait... we don't have those.

• 2/14: Did you kiss someone today?
• Of course! I've been very fortunate to be with David for all of our Valentine's Days together. That's good because we don't really celebrate our anniversary, so our big date night is usually on Valentine's.
• 2/15: Write down a cure for a broken heart.
• That's not a question! Journal havin' a lie problem today. 
• 2/16: What was the last performance or concert you went to?
• Amelia was in Tom Sawyer, and I went with David and Jeff Mayo. It was really bad, but not as terrible as most Ruffin shows.
• 2/17: If you could change something about today, what would it be? 
• I would have gone to bed earlier. I wrote this entry waking up the next day, and I was exhausted.
• 2/18: What's the most expensive thing you're wearing right now? 
• My boots, probably. They were in the hundreds when I bought them, but I was in college, so they've paid for themselves over the past 5 years. 
• 2/19: Who is the craziest person in your life?
• Sounds vain, but probably myself. It's hard to out-do my crazy.
• 2/20: What word did you overuse today? 
• The F word. In public. Classy.

- Bowman

Q&A 2016: 2/21 - 2/27: All caught up!

Finally caught up on blog life! Today is Feb 29th! Totally felt like I wasted this extra day in my life. Only every 4 years. Maybe I'll make the next one count. When I am 30(almost 31). Good God. Kill me.


21 - What is the current buzzword?

- Like popular word? "Bae" maybe? "emoji"? Only 2 I can think of. Who cares.


22 - What was the prevailing emotion of the day?

- The emotion of Thank God I feel better. I had some kind of stomach virus yesterday, and I got my first fever in years. Awful.


23 - What's the most embarrassing purchase on a recent credit card statement?

- So much fast food. Or just food "out" in general.


24 - Today you've got too much.....

- Bowel problems. Diarrhea for hours.


25 - What is the last dream that you remember?

- I was making out with an old crush of mine from a long time ago. Twas a nice dream.


26 - Name one item you can't throw out.

- I apparently can't throw out old matt board scraps from when I was in school and cutting boards for displaying my photos. Thinking I will want to make some kind of stupid "art" with them someday. Doubt it.


27 - Are you the original of the remix? Why?

- If I understand this question correctly.....We are all a little bit original, and a little bit of a remix...that's just the way it is. We all have things about ourselves that are unique to our personality, and things that we pick up from being around other people.


- Cobb

Q&A 2016: 2/14 - 2/20 - Can we really make it a whole year? or 5? Ha!

14 - Did you kiss someone today? (p.s - This is based on the 15th...i forgot to journal on the actual 14th.. whoops)

- Toby. When I kissed him many times at the vet. I had to leave him overnight and I was a wreck about it. Ugh. My baby!!


15 - Write down the cure for a broken heart.

- I think time. Time has the ability to heal just about anything. And prayer. Being connected to God helps you not worry about everything in your life. Which is something I need to be better at. Other than that, there isn't really a cure.


16 - What was the last performance or concert you went to?

- Tonight actually!! Hillsong United! A great night of worship. Went with Amber, Mrs Pat, Paige, Spencer, and Julianna.


17 - If you could change something about today, what would it be?

- Maybe that I ate better? Started learning French earlier? More time with my friends. Not enough hours in the day. We went to Kissho for dinner, and then to see Deadpool! Fun times!


18 - What's the most expensive thing you are wearing now?

- Now, my earrings that my mom got me for Christmas. Earlier, my work shoes.


19 - Who is the craziest person in your life?

- I would have to say you are, my friend. For sure. But in the absolute best way! :)


20 - What word did you overuse today?

- Maybe "sheets"? Or "look right here". Both at work. Or "fuck". haha!


- Cobb

Q&A 2016: 2/7 - 2/13 - It's been a few weeks.

Well, I haven't done this blog things in a few weeks. We are so good at this!


7 - What are 3 things you have to buy?

- Maybe some more cat litter ( which i did buy, and it smells weird), maybe some foundation primer ( which I also bought, I don't know what kind of difference it is suppose to make..), and some new shoes ( which I haven't bought yet. but i really need to).


8 - Are you in love?

- I am not.


9 - How late did you sleep?

- Till about 9:30ish. I don't like sleeping that late sometimes. I feel like I am wasting the day away.


10 - If this day was an animal, which animal would it be?

- This is a weird question.... I am going to say it was a cat. Pretty chilled day. Hung out with Amber. But some random spazy moments playing Halo.


11 - How did you get to work today?

- Like any other average human of today, vehicular transport. Mine is named Jean Gray.


12 - What is your biggest obstacle right now?

- Myself. Always myself. My doubtfulness and lack of confidence have always been my downfall.


13 - What's your favorite question to ask people?

- I get to know people really well by talking about movies and tv. So if I am able to strike up a conversation about that, I can make fast friends.

p.s - You weren't lying, these were really dumb questions.


- Cobb

2/7 - 2/13: The Week of Dumb Questions

The questions this week weren't all bad, but they weren't my favorite. 

•  What are three things you have to buy?
• A part for my car, groceries, and contacts. Adulthood is a blast.
• Are you in love?
• Clearly.
• How late did you sleep?
• Woke up 20 minutes later than usual: 5:30 AM! I don't sleep in much.
• If this day was an animal, what would it be?
• (See what I mean about these questions?) A sloth. It went by REALLY slowly. 
• How did you get to work today?
• Very quickly in my car. I think I went 70mph about 80% of the trip. 
• What is your biggest obstacle?
• Not knowing what career path to follow. I'm in a weird "I could" do anything - the possibilities are endless!" limbo. But there are way too many options. It's overwhelming. 
• What's your favorite question to ask people?
• I don't usually ask people questions, but I guess if I felt comfortable doing that I'd ask people what their passion is. 

Meh.

- Bowman

Q&A: Jan 31- Feb 6, 2016. - Why don't I title these?

Now we back on it! All caught up now! This is fun! Hopefully we can go another month! And then 10 more! ...At least. ha!


31 - Who do you want to be?

- I just want to be who God wants me to be. I want to be the best version of myself. I want to be confident, graceful, and brave.


Feb 1 - What is your resolution for tomorrow?

- To apply to some more places ( which I did...I emailed a lot of people at least). Maybe make some calls ( which i didn't do. However, one of the photographers that I emailed called me, and we had a nice little chat for a while). Clean some ( maybe I did the dishes, I can't remember). Read some of Room ( nope). And possibly exercise (HA!!).


2 - Who do you live with?

- My beautiful, amazing, gracious mother. My most loved and favorite person in the whole world!


3 - On a scale of 1-10, how sad are you?

- Sad? I would say a 2? I am not really sad about anything in particular. My heart is sad for bad things in the world though. And I suppose I am a little anxious about my future, and frustrated a little. Idk. But not really sad.


4 - Outside, the weather is            .

- Weird AF. What is even winter?!


5 - What are you obsessively listening to?

- Sia's new album, the song "cheap thrills", and Justin Bieber's album also. Ha!


6 - Are you seeking contentment or excitement?

- I would say contentment. Excitement would be nice every now and then, and it will come and go, but just being totally content with my life is the goal i suppose.



- Cobb

 

Where are you winter? Show yoself!

1/31 - 2/6: All I Do is Work, Work, Work No Matter What

Reasons for the title of this post: 

1. I've had "All I Do is Win" in my head for 2 days
2. I just applied for two more jobs, in addition to the 3 I already have.

Wonder why I'm stressed out all the time... Anyway, down to business:

• Who do you want to be?
• I want to be someone why does what God wants without question and without fear. 
• What is your resolution for tomorrow? 
• I will be positive about my job. If I'm stuck here for 4 more months, I may as well try. (Side note: I did NOT keep this resolution.)
• Who do you live with?
• Monster, Polly, and Sugar. David visits often, but we don't live together and we won't until we're married. 
• On a scale of 1 to 10, how sad are you? Why?
• Earlier, 10. Bad day. I can't do anything right this week, and I didn't get the fallback job I applied for. Now I'm fine because I went running. Good ol' endorphin release. 
• Outside, the weather is...
• Very cold, but less windy than the other day. Of course, it was 63 the other day. Welcome to Tennessee. (Side note: It's 58 today. Once again... Tennessee.)
• What are you obsessively listening to?
• Sia's "1,000 Forms of Fear" and Lana Del Rey's "Paradise Lost" albums. 
• Are you seeking excitement or contentment?
• Excitement. I'm like Belle up in here. "I want adventure in the great wide somewhere!!!" So gay.

- Bowman

1/24 - 1/30: A Weird Week

My journal has tiny writing space so I can't ramble. Too bad for you, the blog doesn't follow the same format.

• If you were going to start your own company, what would it be? 
• Already been thought of. It's a cafe. Very low prices, and a pay-it-forward initiative. I'd employ people from the homeless community and help them build resumes so they could get back on their feet. 

• What makes "you" you?
• I'd rather do than watch. I'd rather read than see. I'd rather donate time than money. 

• Today you needed more...
• PATIENCE. My students take their statewide writing test in two weeks, and they wrote a paper today. They are not ready for that test.

• Which movement describes you today? 
• Surrealism. I've been in an odd mood (as you've seen at work) for about a week. It's a positive mood, but it's really odd. 

• How do you describe home? 
• I've never understood this question. When I was in 9th Grade, our teacher asked us where we considered our home to be, and I had no idea. I guess I've never lived in a place that felt like my actual home. To answer the question, all I really need is David and my dogs. Doesn't really matter where we are. 

• What was the last TV show you watched? 
• Probably Archer. I haven't had a lot of time for TV lately, but I'll turn that on for background noise sometimes. (P.S. This is February 3rd, and that statement is still true. I haven't sat down and watched TV since, like, the 27th.)

• What do you want to forget?
• Every embarrassing moment. You know, the ones that randomly pop into your head and make you cringe? Those. 

- Bowman

Surrealism at its finest.

Q&A: Jan 24-30, 2016.

24 - If you were going to start your own company, what would it be?

- Some kind of lifestyle magazine probably. With beautiful, natural photography and maybe filled with entries from people in the community. Like a Munford magazine. Start small i guess. ha!


25 - What makes "you" you?

- I hate this question. And the answer will be to generic. Like "I am caring, and funny...blahblah".
Next Question. Sometimes I feel this is answered better by other people. Because you do not always know yourself as well as you think you do. We can be too in our own heads, and sometimes other people can makes a see a side of ourselves that we didn't know that we had.


26 - Today you needed more            .

- Self discipline. I should have done something active today. Should have worked out some. Not eaten that cupcake. Always tomorrow.


27 - Which art movement best describes you today? (Surrealism, Modernism, Dada?)

- I don't know about today specifically, but in general I would say either Romanticism, Expressionism, or Dada. Google it.


28 - How do you describe home?

- Home is my safe place. It is where I feel the most comfortable and peaceful. It is where I can relax and just feel warm and happy.


29 - What was the last tv show you watched?

- The Office. As per ush.


30 - What do you want to forget?

- I want to forget all the times i have told myself that "I can't". Or any time in the past that I have believed I wasn't good enough. I want this year to be a life changing year for me. I am not getting any younger and I have some changes to make. I want to forget the past and look toward the future. And be excited! No anxious or self doubtful.


- Cobb

Q&A: Jan 17-23, 2016

17 - What's the oldest thing you're wearing today?

- Probably my underwear. I should update all my under garments.


18 - What was peaceful about today?

- I really meant to remember something specifically peaceful about today. But, I forgot to pay attention, so i really have no idea. :/


19 - List 3 foods you ate today.

- I had pancakes, mac and cheese, and eggs with toast and cream of wheat. I should keep a food journal.


20 - Are you holding a grudge? About?

- I really don't think I am. If so, I can't think of anything specific.


21 - What are you looking forward to?

- Finding another job. Getting another tattoo. Forward to the day I finally start bettering myself. The first day I stop saying and start doing.


22 - Are you seeking security or adventure?

- A little of both. I want to live spontaneously with a sense of adventure. And I want to feel secure with my decisions. Confident that God will provide no matter what.


23 - Do you need a break? From what?

- Worrying about my dad. He hasn't been in the best state of mind for a long time and I genuinely tend to worry about his well being sometimes.



- Cobb

Q&A: January 11-16, 2016

Wow....we totally forgot a week...like...it was nothing...not one thought was given that week.

Well, here it is.

11.  Today you lost            

- More money. I ordered "Begin Again" soundtrack, Mad Max: Fury Road (Fucking AMAZING movie), and The Martian (another AMAZING movie). Worth it.

12. What's your favorite accessory?

- I really adore my bar earrings my mom got me for Christmas. I doubt that i will exchange them out for a while. I also have been loving anything elephant related!! Give me all the elephants!!

13. Where do you want to travel next?

- I always want to go to Disney World again. But probably to Georgia to visit Ashelynn and Rob after they move.

14. Are you a leader or a follower?

- I would definitely say that in the past I have been more of a follower. I can be very influenced by other people's decisions. But I want to change that this year. You need to be the leader of your own life for goodness sakes!

15. On a scale of one to ten, how was your lunch today?

- I didn't eat lunch today, so, 0. The life risk I took today by telling someone that I had had feelings for them for a long time? 10. Even though the feelings were not reciprocated, I have never felt more confident, or beautiful, or more proud of myself in my life!

16. Do you owe someone money? Does someone owe you money?

- I'm sure I do, somewhere... And I don't believe so....hmm.....

p.s - I swear I was having a stroke whilst typing this, I have never done so much backspacing in my life. 

- Cobb

Q&A 1/17-1/23 Catch-Up

Ah, Q's. Let's A the crap out of them!

• What's the oldest thing you're wearing?
• Oddly, my pants. I got them when I was in Godspell because I needed tight, black pants. They made me uncomfortable onstage because they're so tight, but I wear them all the time now. Clearly I've gotten sluttier. 
• Side note upon blogging this one: I actually lost those pants today. I think I left them at the laundromat and that makes me sad, but in addition to that serendipity I happen to be wearing my Godspell tour shirt today. Weird...
• What was peaceful about today?
• Almost everything! It's Martin Luther King Jr. Day, plus I'm off at the studio. Days spent doing nothing are my favorite. 
• List 3 foods you ate today.
• Egg rolls, chocolate-covered peanuts, and raw almonds. I'm making vegan chili for tomorrow. 
• Are you holding a grudge? About?
• Not a grudge, but a jealousy. Seriously, two people I still consider children got engaged this week, and I'm still over here in Ringless World. 
• What are you looking forward to? 
• It's still a long way off, but I'm so excited about Thailand. At longest, I'm waiting for May of 2017! 
• Are you seeking security or adventure?
• I'm torn on this one. I just quit my benefits-having, adequately-paying, semi-secure job with absolutely no safety net. So I'd like to say "Adventure." The adult in me keeps whispering that I need insurance, though, so safety would also be nice. I WANT IT ALL!
• Do you need a break? From what?
• Shockingly, no! I got a snow day yesterday, and I have tomorrow off from JCP. This is a break.

Good questions this week. I hope they stay that way.

- Bowman

Q&A: 1/11-1/16: The Week We Forgot

We went exactly ONE consecutive week posting our weekly answers. Couple of winners. Here's last weeks for all the masses who give so many shits.

• Today you lost (BLANK).
• 2 good hours of sleep because I fell asleep on the couch. This put quite a cramp in my leg.
• What's your favorite accessory?
• My tattoos. 
• Where do you want to travel next? 
• Thailand has been on my mind a lot lately. The only other places I care to visit at the moment are London and Paris. (#WhiteGirl)
• Are you a leader or a follower? 
• I think of myself as a follower. Our society places a higher value on leading, but someone has to follow, right? 
• On a scale of 1-10, how was your lunch today?
• Health-wise: 8; taste-wise: 4. BMS started a fitness challenge this week. My food isn't spectacular yet, but it'll get better. 
• Do you owe someone money? Does someone owe you?
• I owe my student loan companies a lot of money. $7,000 to one, and 36,000 to another. That'll never end. No one ever owes me money because I don't have any to lend out, due to the aforementioned student loans. 

- Bowman

Im just gonna be real right now.

Hello there,

It is 2:45am. I am posting a blog because, I just need to right now. And you can read this, or you don't have to, but I just have to get all this out of my head. And it's gonna be annoying, and a stream of consciousness.

I am feeling very strongly at the moment about just telling Spencer everything tomorrow. Wanna know why? Because I am awake and crying at 2o'clock in the fucking morning!! That's why!!
And feeling and putting myself through this is absolutely ridiculous.

I could talk myself out of it by the end of this blog, or i could feel differently in the morning IF i ever get to sleep. What will determine if I do this or not will be if I just don't get any sleep at all. Because...how sad would that be? That I am so hung up on the person even after a 2 year fucking hiatus, and all the feelings are all coming up again.

Why?! What is it about him that does this to me? Why has he been on my mind and been on my heart for 5 years?! 5 years of my life just....for what? He has in no way ever indicated that he would ever feel the same way, and if i see a glimmer of hope, it is no hope at all...it is just my imagination running away with me and playing tricks with my heart. It is so mean! STFU SELF!

I don't know if this is God keeping me up right now or the devil. Seriously, God keeps people up at night when he is speaking to them. Am I crazy? I have to be. In no way is this a good idea. I am just tired and frustrated and confused. By all of it. We have only hung out once in 2 years, and i was gonna give it another few months or so at least. But, who knows how often we will even hang out. And I am not getting any younger. But, I feel like i would be telling a stranger. Like...i don't even know if he has a girlfriend now. I doubt it, but, idk!

I just...I know that if i dont get this off of my chest, i will go crazy, and I will feel anxious and scared everyday. And I am sorry if any of this messes with the future of us hanging out. Cause, I sure it would be awkward the first time after. And...i hate that. However, knowing you and Amber, I will be the only one to make anything awkward. And it doesnt have to be. None of this does. But I feel like this needs to be nipped in the bud. Once and for all. Ya know? Well...you wont answer or see this until Sunday...so...

This has all gone on long enough, and I am just tired of talking about it, and I am tired of asking for advice, and I am tired of just not knowing. Whether good or bad, I will never know unless i put it out there into the universe. I feel like i will regret it all more if i never say anything. Because feeling something for someone is real and its beautiful, and if i never say anything when i could have and i didn't take the opportunity, i'll hate myself.  God help me.

just typing all this i am shaking.
I feel like i have never been so dramatic, or more full of shit, or more serious in my life. This is real life...and life stands still for no man. Being vulnerable is so scary and it is so naked, but it is also so beautiful and honest.

I told a guy in 8th grade that i liked him. I wrote him a note. He never said anything about it. I was devastated. But, we were kids, and i just thought he was cute and just wanted to have his babies..(wait...what...ha!), but this is different. In every way. I am not in love with Spencer, so I'm hoping it would not be a huge loss to my soul. But, I am as close to it as one could get. Or that I have ever felt anyway. And not just in the past few weeks of feeling all this again, but in the whole entire 5 years that i have had feelings for him.
This is all a terrifying, and probably stupid, risk, but, I feel like it is a risk worth taking. Maybe.



- Stupid Becca being stupid.... ha!

1/1/16 - 1/10/16: Toddy Is the Teenth

Ok, background because when we're 80 and need to remember why we wrote this:
Yesterday we found a Q&A daily journal at the Barnes and Noble's, so we decided to write in it daily and share our answers every week. That's 52 posts EACH for a YEAR! I give it a month.

Jk. Maybe. Here we go:

January 1 - What is your mission?

 - In life, my mission is to help others without worrying how it will affect me. To be kind to those who need kindness. To be selfless.


January 2 - Can people change?

- Not only can they, but I think people should change. If you're the same person you were at 16 when you're 30, you might need a good bit of alteration.


January 3 - What are you reading right now?

- The Paris Wife for the second time (for book club) and Book 5 in the Song of Ice and Fire series... still. I swear I've been reading it for a year. Hurry up, George R.R. Martin! I can only stretch this book so long!


January 4 - The best part of today?

- (I went back and looked at the actual 4th) Best part: Leaving In-service.


January 5 - What was the last restaurant you went to?

- Fuji with Keegan, Gary, and Jeff


January 6 - Today was tough because.......?

- School started again. I do NOT want to be here for the next 5 months. Ugh.


January 7 - You are lucky; how so or not so?

- I have a job (for now), I have a home that I like, and David loves me. One lucky lady.


January 8 - What song is stuck in your head?

- Mothereffing "Hotline Bling" - literally the worst song written this year.

January 9 - Was today typical? Why or why not?

- Yeah. I worked...so that's normal.


January 10 - Write down something that inspired you today.

- Buying the journal actually inspired me to write more regularly. I miss writing.

There. Idiot.
- Bowman

January 1 - 10, 2016 (But all happenings on the 10th) - Here we go again, you ass.

January 1 - What is your mission?

 - I suppose my mission, specifically for this year is to take more risks. Really put myself out there and not be so self doubtful. To develop a stronger sense of confidence.


January 2 - Can people change?

- I think to an extent they can. If they really want to and truly try hard enough. However, I think on some things, people are who they are, and they should just embrace it. Being yourself is all you can be in this world. Unless you are just an asshole, then maybe you should really do some self reflection and change that... for sure.


January 3 - What are you reading right now?

- I have my Darling magazines that need reading, and I am also reading Proverbs with Christina. We are on Chapter 16.


January 4 - The best part of today?

- Red velvet pancakes, and hanging out with my idiot of a best friend. Blah.


January 5 - What was the last restaurant you went to?

- IHop with your stupid face. My red velvet pancake cherry has been popped. ...Ew..


January 6 - Today was tough because.......?

- Dealing with and being patient with small children can be difficult. But getting great photos out of it always makes it somewhat worth it.


January 7 - You are lucky; how so or not so?

- I don't really believe in luck. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. I think people suggest it as luck as to not acknowledge a higher power in control over their lives. We are never in control at all. People don't like to believe that.


January 8 - What song is stuck in your head?

- I have been listening to "You're in Love" by Betty Who a lot. And "Reflections" by Misterwives. Also, "Brave" by Sara Bareilles...which we hate, but now it is hilarious.


January 9 - Was today typical? Why or why not?

- Actually not really. It was a Sunday, and i usually work all day. But it was a slow day, so I got off early, and then your dumbass and I went to eat and buy books we didn't need. So....nah, not a "typical" sunday.


January 10 - Write down something that inspired you today.

- Photography in general. I came across a cookbook called "Toast", just different toast recipes, but the photography was STUNNING. I was like "I could do that!!" So, maybe I will begin trying to start some kind of still life/food portfolio. Wee!!


- Cobb