How to Saturday

What's that? You're a busy bee and don't know how to spend your little free time? Lemme help a sista out.

1. Wake up at the same time you'd normally wake up on a week day.

2. Curse.

3. Go back to bed.

4. Wake up at a time which you've deemed "too late to appreciate Saturday."

5. Coffee.

6. Futurama.

7. Coffee again.

8. Breaking Bad.

9. Pretty much repeat 5-8 infinity times.

9. b. Consider making Polar Express Hot Chocolate, but decide that takes too long and settle for more coffee... with whipped cream.

10. Remember to take your dogs out.

11. Be upset that you've wasted a Saturday... even though this routine is all you look forward to all week.

P.s. This is Thanksgiving break. I don't have to work for a week! Kiss my butt, adulthood!

- Bowman

How to be productive and procrastinate AT THE SAME TIME!

Bowshite,

Yay! I'm back on the regularly schedule programing! Let epic music play like on GOT...and if you dont know what GOT stands for, then you are gonna get got...cause your dumb.

So...as  you know...we are moving this saturday...which...makes me sad...I'm gonna miss living near you and making it possible for you to randomly flip me off in passing...which i love you for. (ENDING A SENTENCE IN A PROPOSITION!!!  yes...i said prop...hahaha!)

Whilst moving...i also have school stuff going on....so....today...I'm gonna unveil a miracle and teach you how to.....like the title said....blahblah.

1. Wait till the last minute to start packing, BUT, wake up on time/early for school.

2. Barely have enough boxes to put everything in, BUT, be totally prepared for class by printing out images to print.

3. Get a jump start on some packing, BUT, have nothing prepared for your printmaking class tomorrow.

4. Keep dirty dishes in the sink that you need to pack, BUT, take pretty pictures of shiny, clean glass at school.

5. Pack everything but HP, and start over on Game of Thrones, AND, make a 73 on your second test (which is better than the last...but still isnt that great).

6. Start over for the 3RD TIME on The Office, cause you realize you need it constantly in your life, at all times, AND, realize you have a paper due in a couple of weeks...and a test to study for...that you CANNOT fail!

Um.....i think that is good for now. Back to Game of Thrones, i'll have to start this episode over...cause....i have no clue whats going on...even though i have already seen it. But...it can be hard to follow, ya know? So much going on...but ITS SO GOOD!! So...yea...

Toodlepip!

Slacker, you are. As Yoda would say.

Bowporn-stache,

I am a few days behind...oh vell.

My most embarrassing moment? Hm...i strangely dont feel like i have many. Except for when i was about....9 or so and i as wearing these crappy sandels and i was in church. And i tripped TWICE down the isle on the way  to be bathroom....in front of everyone...oh lord...it was bad.

Anywhoha, I am really enjoying painting with watercolor right now! I like painting trees the best....idk why....cause i love trees i guess. And they are fun to paint and get easier the more i do them.

Spencer just texted me asking if i would want to paint something on the side of the stage the next time he leads worship. AAAHH! I dont wanna! Is my first thought...but he said to pray about it and so...i will. I am not always confident in my abilities, and especially in art forms outside of photography. I mean..i like to paint on my own...without being judged...but the thought of painting in front of a crowd of people....stay awayyyy! ha!


Oh man...Dwight is getting ready for his "radio" interview! Baha!! One of my favorite moments, them all using different accents, making Dwight think he is on the radio. Teehee!

WEll....I dont have anything to randomly talk about at the moment. So....imma get off here.

BI!

The Most Embarrassingest Day of My Life

Oh man. What a morning, for this has been.... the most embarrassing day of my adult life.

I was out sick from work Monday. By yesterday I felt much better, but at the end of the night (after teaching, Parent Night, Walmart, homework, etc.) I had another headache. I figured, ironically, that I should take something so I could make it to school today. All I had was Tylenol PM.

Said my brain.

Instead of waking up to any of my 9 alarms, I slept until an hour after school starts. Everyone panicked. Thankfully, my admins are wonderful and gave me the rest of the day off, but I cried for about an hour about how embarrassed I was. 

Now, I shall rest, take a bath, and play video games to keep my mind off of the fact that I'm a moron.

Maybe Chrono Trigger? 

What was your most embarrassing moment? Not that I care.

Love,

- Bowman the Stupid 

5 Simple Steps to a Perfect Thanksgiving

Golly-gee! Fall is in the air, Thanksgiving is nigh, and all the white people are Pumpkin Spicing EVERYTHING! Here are some tips-n-tricks to a successful Thanksgiving holiday:

1. Have, like, 30 dinner plans. In my house, we (and by that I mean my dogs and I) have 3 different Thanksgiving meals. First, my mom's, then my dad's, then David's family's. Make sure that if you have this many, you practically gorge yourself at every single stop instead of doing things in moderation. Who needs that? Peasants. That's who.

2. Start the Christmas Jamz! Play nothing but Christmas music until December 26th. I'm not being sarcastic on this one. Really do this.

3. BLACK FRIDAAAYYY!!! As a teacher, I make about seven dollars a year. That means I should spend roughly 8 million dollars on the day after Thanksgiving because, America.

4. What's a good Thanksgiving without a little family discourse? Stir the pot this holiday with inappropriate dinner conversation. Or perhaps accidentally mention your tattoo in front of your 90-year-old grandmother. Pump up the party further by drinking too much of your step-mom's spiked cider and telling your vegan cousin she's a moron. Responsible? No. Memorable? Yes.

5. Sleep.

Love and chocolate pie,
Bowman

10 things to do today.

Bowshart,

Well... here we go...straight and to the point twss.

1. Go get new pants. I went to sit down in my favorite pants...and i ripped the zipper. Shiz! Hate! I believe i may skip my second class to do this...cause i dont wanna deal with this in public all day.

2. Start packing. Which...is gonna be awful. I think i might start with my movies....or some books. Or maybe just start throwing some crap away.

3. Maybe make a chocolate pie. Since i will most likely be leaving school early, i will have plenty of time to do this. Instead of just buying some cookies from kroger.

4. If i make a chocolate pie...im gonna make whipped cream!

5. Maybe buy some shirts while I'm at it. Maybe.

6. Read? Hopefully...

7. Watch Halloween movies with friends! AND QUOTE HOCUS POCUS THE WHOLE TIME!!!!

8. "YEP!!"

9. Think of something to type for number 10.

10. Wonder why i needed a list of 10 things.

BIIIIII-EEEEEE!

What is this? The center for idiotic ants?

Oh, Cobbitch. Sorry my posts are so inconsistent. I suppose if I were really sorry, though, I'd make an actual effort to post regularly. Guess I don't care about you.

Anyway, since we got all floobledee-doo about our week topics, I'm doing current events. Here we go:

Shootings. All the shootings. This makes me legitimately sad to report, but there have been like 7 shootings in the past two weeks. Some were in schools, there was one at LAX, and that mess at the naval base was weird. This only proves that we as Americans are completely responsible and totally deserve to be the most powerful nation in existence.

A quote by famous transvestite, Eddie Izzard, in his one-man-show entitled Dress to Kill: "The NRA always says 'guns don't kill people, people do' but I think the gun helps!"

*Disclaimer: I own a gun. I just think Izzard is funny.*
*Non-disclaimer, just advice: you should watch that show. It's on netflix and it's hilarious.*

In government news: According to the Forbes website, the obamacare site enrolled exactly six, count em, SIX people yesterday. This is mostly due to the fact that the website sucks and hasn't been fixed yet. A true showing of what America's government is capable of. Thanks, Obama.

In weird-ass news: Joel Osteen tweeted the best "that's what she said" tweet ever in history.

Lol. What a moron. 

Kbye.

- Bowman