As you well know...i had a test this afternoon. I am not sure how it went, but...i don't think it went too well. I left some answers blank...and i pulled a whole page and half essay straight out of my ass. So....i'm in the acceptance stage of my potential failure. That being said....here are some ways that I've discovered, from personal experience duh, on how to fail a test!
1. Of course wait till the last minute to study. The best time to study is the day before the test. This way you ensure that you will barely remember any detailed information that you need to know, and you will only remember some key words for which you can possibly, but probably not, make a coherent sentence out of. (like ending a sentence in a proposition!).
2. Make SURE you watch tv while you study! Especially something that you have seen before and can totally quote! This way you will be completely distracted from actually studying and retaining the information. Even though you keep telling yourself: "ive seen this a million times...i can just listen to it and still concentrate on what im doing." We both know this is a lie and you start writing down the quotes you are saying from said movie distraction. Also...DEFINITELY watch tv whilst trying to read for a test!
3. Be sure to make every excuse in the book not to study...or to convince yourself that you have studied enough to get by. "I need to take a shower", "Just one more episode of Secret Life", "Its 12 o'clock, time for lunch, even though i ate breakfast at 10", "This wont be on the test....its too detailed....i just wont look at it". All of these are great excuses and are completely justifiable! So...dont beat yourself up!
4. Make sure you get no more than 4 hours of sleep the night before the test. And also make sure you dont eat a healthy breakfast the day of the test. Actually...just dont eat anything at all....all day. Both of these can contribute to a very hazy state of mind, and can also help with not being able to remember something on the test that you just looked over 2 minutes before! It can also make your vision a little blurry...which can just add your goal you made at the beginning of the year to challenge yourself more! And is can be fun for the teacher to read later!
5. Lastly, but certainly not leastly, just have fun, accept your fate, and realize you did your best. The teacher will for sure appreciate a half assed effort! They all say put in 110%, but who has time for that?! While you're busy watching your favorite tv shows, laughing with your best friends whilst watching The Emmys, and basically just being made completely joyful through the magic of television in general...all the squares you call peers can waste their time studying for a test in which they dont give 2 shits about the information anyway. And why bother yourself with things you dont care about or that take too much effort? That is all kinds of lame!
So, these are my 5 tips on how to fail a test! I know you can't use them in your own life now....being a real life working adult and all. BUT, maybe you can pass them along to your students! I dont think they will argue with you! Happy bad teachering!!
I should be an educator,
Cobb.
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