30DWC - DAY 19 - First Love.

I thought about this like you did, I didn't know how to interpret it either. Of course my first thought was "love" like for a person. And we both know I would have had nothing to say on that topic. Ha! So I was gonna go a different direction anyway.


I would say my first love was for movies. And stories. And dreaming of different worlds outside of our own. Not that I have always felt that my world was crap and have always wanted to get out of it, but, I just like to daydream.

Even at a young age, I always wanted to watch movies. I acted them out in my living room. I memorized them. I even made up characters that weren't even in the movies and just made them work within the story. I have made myself cry, I have thrown myself on the ground, I have dressed up, I have gone on the journey with these different characters all within the safety and non-judgemental space that is my home. I literally did this up until the age of about 16. And I sometimes still do it to an extent. Just sitting on the couch and quoting the lines, and if someone cries...I cry with them. I try to become them. Feeling what they are feeling. Mean what they are saying. I always committed to what I was doing. Did I mention that I have THROWN myself on the ground? Ha!

I know it sounds weird. But when I am not living vicariously through these characters, I still always get so immersed in the stories. They effect me. Good or bad. I really take them to heart. And now that I am older I have started really paying attention to the behind the scenes stuff. The writing, the editing, the cinematography, the directing, the score, everything. I allow myself to travel into these worlds if only for the the 2 and a half hours that I get to spend there. I have even thought about printing out some analysis worksheets and break apart these films from a critic like perspective. Just to learn really.

And when I wasn't watching movies, I was making up stories and other lives, especially with my friends. Barbies always had a deep background and connection. A friend and I once went into a dirt/mud desert looking field in her backyard and pretended that it was Tatooine from Star Wars. It was one day, but I remember it so vividly. We packed a lunch like we were "running away" and we "discovered" Tattooine, and "got lost" there, and even took "bathes" in the muddy water. It was an amazing day! Costumes also came into play. I asked my mom to make me a princess costume one time, just because. It was floor length all made of velvet forrest green material. It had long pointed princess sleeves with a gold trimming and I had a gold rope that I tied around my waste. I loved it. I wish I still had it, I am convinced I still do somewhere in the attic. And it was probably like..April...no where near Halloween. I loved feeling pretty and...not myself sometimes. I would sometimes even act out a life within my own life. When we went to Belleve Baptist I would walk in sometimes and pretend in my head that the whole giganic church was my personal mansion, and I was the princess or what have you that had returned from a long trip, and it was good to be home. How silly does that sound?! But it was fun! Even in the confines of my own imagination.

I don't know if you were anything like this when you were young. Or at least to this extent. Ha! But, I wish we were buds back then. I have a feeling we would have had some really awesome and hilarious adventures together. Ha!

I have just always loved movies and stories and playing make believe. Maybe one day I will make all my built up imagination spill out onto an actual screen. Who knows...

 - Cobb


- not gonna lie, I don't think I could have put a better photo at the end of this blog.  :D