Surprise New Year Post!

Oh hai! Can you guess what today is? No. Shut up. It's January 4th. That means it's closing in on the day when everyone's New Year's resolution goes down the proverbial crapper!

Pictured: your hopes and dreams

You see, the problem with "resolving" to do things for the new year is that there's basically nothing to keep us accountable. The other (and less finger-pointy) problem is that we choose difficult resolutions.

Scott gets it.

Here is my proposal for better resolution-keeping: make keep-able resolutions! Duh! You'd like some examples? GREAT! I happen to have some lined up! 

1. Clean my apartment...... once. Self-explanatory. (BONUS: Learn how to spell "explanatory" so I don't have to spell-check it each time I use it.) 
2. Consume over 2,000 calories in one meal at least twice a year. I mean, who doesn't love a Big Mac meal?
3. Tell myself I'll stop spending money. Go to Barnes and Noble the next day and buy a $20 journal I'll forget to write in. I'll think the journal's so pretty that I must find something meaningful to write in it, but I have nothing meaningful to say. So, it sits with my other journals while I wish I was a Bronte sister. (BONUS: Fix the syntax of that sentence.)
4. Exercise whenever I freaking feel like it. Because sometimes I do. Gotta listen to that body!
5. Spend a whole Saturday on the couch. Done.
6. Forget to buy paper towels, thus leaving the kitchen counters dirty for one more week. (BONUS: Go to the store specifically for paper towels and forget to buy them again.)
7. Watch one-too-many episodes of Buffy on Netflix and wonder why I know nothing of current events. What's politics?
8. Take at least one relaxing bath with bubbles. After all that Buffy-watching and food-eating, I might get stressed out.
9. Drink, like, five cups of coffee before 10 am. Thentypelikethewindbecasecaffeine!!!!!
10. Continue cursing. Dammit.

There you have it! I am 100% positive that I can an will accomplish every item on that list in 2014. I am a winner. 

Motto.

- Bowman